Having the Debate

Yesterday Mike Smithson speculated that David Cameron may actually be the loser in a televised debate with Gordon Brown. I’m not so sure. Cameron is a pretty smooth cookie (not to be confused with ‘a pretty straight kind of guy’ like his role model) and Gordon…. well…. isn’t.
Frank Skinner, though, thinks Brown could have turned this to his advantage…

Good evening. May I begin by saying that those of you who’ve tuned in to see the famous “Gordon Brown inappropriate smile” will, I’m afraid, be disappointed. I gave smiling a go but it just wasn’t me. It looked out of place, like when a vacillating supermarket customer leaves an incongruous jar of strawberry jam on the household detergent shelf.
I’ve always felt that my wife, Sarah, and I get on so well because we share a sense of humour. We have to — I don’t have one. It’s time to stop pretending I do.
Speaking of relationships I feel that my relationship with you, the British people, has gone through a very bad patch. You may even be thinking of dumping me. This handsome young chap over here [gesturing towards Mr Cameron] has flattered and flirted his way through a charm offensive with which this loyal, loving but unspectacular fellow on your arm has struggled to compete. In case you’re wondering, he smells lovely — of mint leaves and bergamot — whereas I smell like a cross between a meat pie and a second-hand bookshop.
Yes, I’ll admit it. I feel quite weak and intimidated in the face of all that Bullingdon Club, thrash-the-fag aggressiveness. That is why I care about the weak in society, the bullied, the stammering, the apparently unimpressive. I see through all that and judge people by their hearts, not their sparkly exteriors.
David Cameron, or David Camera-on as I call him, might give you an exciting time at first but, when your calls are going unanswered, when you feel let down and deserted, maybe you’ll remember clumsy, compassionate Gordon.
I wasn’t born to rule like some of my social superiors. I had to learn on the job and I’ve learnt a lot from my mistakes. Three strikes and you’re out sounds great but what about the knowledge and experience accrued during and after the missing of that third strike? Must that always be squandered? As you watch tonight’s debate, I suggest you keep an eye on that very determined turtle, just behind the already celebrating hare.