I fully appreciate the embarrassment you must be feeling over the exposure of your recent Labour Party fundraising dinner. I am sure that although the cheque was made out to the Labour Party you did not for one second imagine that this money would in fact be going to a political party known as the Labour Party. I can also see from the startled look on your face that you were taken completely by surprise when a photographer took a picture of you with a young woman, only to find that Tony Blair had also gatecrashed the shoot.

What I am writing about is the tickets your table won in the raffle for a dinner with Hilary Clinton. Now that you have become a life long Conservative (well, at least for the next five days) I was wondering whether you have been able to find another home for the tickets. You see, Mrs P. and myself weren't at the dinner, and to be honest, four thousand smackers was a bit beyond our means, and in order to avoid prolonging your embarrassment we would be happy to take them off your hands.

Of course, Tone, my old son, we are Labour Party members, but look, if you drop me an e-mail discreetly telling me where we can pick them up, then, mum's the word.

We won't tell a soul.

Honest.

You can trust us.

Yours sincerely